¡Viva España!

Over the past couple of months I have been contemplating what my next move is going to be. Being abroad this past year has made me realize I'm not quite finished with my international travels or ready to go live in the States again. It's truly hard to explain how much I've loved living in an international community where I've been exposed to so many different cultures, have met people from all over the world, and am constantly challenged by the variety of values, norms, and traditions I witness on a daily basis. With that, I knew I couldn't makes plans to go back home just yet.

As I then started exploring what I wanted to do, I got an amazing offer to keep working with Transitions to help run the program that my research is being used to develop. Once I heard they really wanted me to stay and work with them, I was honored and knew it would be an incredible opportunity providing me with such unique professional experience. It would be a dream come true, and exactly the kind of job I'd always dreamed of having. In fact, for my age and where I am in my career, it would be better than anything I ever could have imagined I'd have the chance to do at this point in my life. The only problem is that it meant I'd have to stay in Cambodia.

At the same time as this offer to work in Cambodia, I was also presented with the idea of moving to Madrid, Spain. For my entire life I have said I want to live in a Spanish-speaking country so I could become fluent in Spanish. There is something about the culture and the language which I have just fallen in love with, and I have wanted so badly to be able to say I'm bi-lingual. Initially when I decided to go abroad after graduating from university, I said I wanted to live and work in South America, and well, we can all see how that didn't exactly happen. I then learned my sister and brother-in-law were planning on staying in Madrid for another year, and that the program they're apart of was accepting applications. Here it was. The perfect opportunity for me to live in a Spanish-speaking country. What's better than being in Europe, living with my sister and brother-in-law, and getting a job that gives me a decent wage, health care, and paid holidays? What's there to complain about? NOTHING! That was the problem.

I was then faced with the decision of either doing a job I love and that would be great for my career in a country I didn't really want to be in any longer, or doing a job that didn't excite me all that much in a place that I've always dreamed of living in. I don't think I've ever been so torn in my life. Both options are dreams of mine. So which dream should I choose? These questions were literally on my mind for weeks and it was one of the most challenging decisions I've ever had to make. Career goal or personal goal?

In the end, after weeks of stressful and emotional conversations and reflection, I decided to pursue the goal I've had for so long - move to a Spanish-speaking country and become fluent in Spanish. So, there you have it folks. I'm moving to Madrid, Spain at the end of August to teach English part-time. Is the job ideal? No. But will it be spectacular and will I find ways to get involved in anti-trafficking and use the professional skills I've developed? Absolutely.

I will be continuing my own personal research to gain a third cultural perspective on domestic sex trafficking across the world. I understand what happens, why it happens, and how it happens in the United States from all of the work I did there during university, in Cambodia and Southeast Asia because of my research and time here on the Fulbright, and now I will be looking for a European perspective during my time in Spain. Additionally, I plan on finding anti-trafficking organizations I can get involved in and volunteer with. My heart is with this issue, and I will do everything in my power to get connected and make sure I use my passion, skills, and experience to help those affected by such a horrific injustice.

I am so excited about this upcoming journey, and although it's bitter-sweet to leave Cambodia, I really believe it's the right decision for me. I need to pursue this personal goal I've had my whole life, and once I do that, I will feel free to then put all of my focus on my career goals. In the end, it will make me a much better social worker, and most importantly, a better person. After I spend a little time taking care of myself and my needs and wants, I will then be able to take care of other people's needs and wants.

So, here we go. I'm off to Spain for at least 9 months....

¡Viva España!

Adventures with Mum

Last month I had the wonderful privilege of hosting my mom in Cambodia. It had been 7 months since we had seen each other, of course not counting Skype calls, and I was so excited to show her my life in Phnom Penh, as well as go on some other adventures together to Siem Reap, Cambodia and Bangkok, Thailand! 

She arrived on a Friday early evening, and the week started off better than I could have hoped for, as she unloaded all of the goodies from home - chocolate, girl scout cookies, sunflower seeds, makeup, hair products, airborne, magazines, and more chocolate! Within minutes I was diving into my first box of samoas....oh how I have missed those delicious little things! 

After indulging for a bit, it was time to hit the city. The next couple of days were spent getting drinks, listening to live music, showing my mom the streets of Phnom Penh, introducing her to my friends, teammates, and coworkers, riding my little moto, eating at my favorite restaurants, and exploring the typical tourist sites. Once all the shenanigans were over in Phnom Penh, it was time to head to Siem Reap for some luxury tourism.


We arrived in Siem Reap early Monday morning, and were only just beginning out long, adventurous day. As soon as we got settled into the hotel, we geared up and headed to the temples where we explored, of course, Angkor Wat, Bayon, and the "Tomb Raider" temple. They truly were magnificent sites, and it was just as good the second time around, bring up memories of my first trip to Cambodia 5 years ago.

After a few long, hot, and sweaty hours of walking around and climbing old ruins, we then explored the silk farm where we got to see a taste of the silk-making process - from mulberry plants and silk worms, to silk-dyeing and then, of course, the final products. We splurged on some beautiful Cambodian silk items, then headed back to the hotel for a relaxing evening. While in Siem Reap, we had more drinks, more food, watched Absara cultural dancing, relaxed by the pool, got foot massages, and best of all, explored the floating village where we had an entire giant boat to ourselves. It was on this boat that we may or may not have had a couple beers while laying on hammocks before 10am. Oops! Let's just say it put my mom flat on her @$$ as she was trying to sit back down in the hammock - good times ;). It's the little things which make everything more spectacular! Then, it was sadly time to say good bye to our beautiful hotel in Siem Reap, and head back to Phnom Penh for a night. 

The next day after we arrived back in Phnom Penh, it was time for Bangkok! We arrived in Bangkok Thursday evening, went to a lovely dinner, relaxed, and hit the hay early. Then the next couple of days before she departed back to Los Angeles, we explored the city a bit, met up with my soccer mates, ate, drank, and played lots of soccer! It was by far one of the best weekends I've had. Got to explore a new city with my mom, and she got to see me play soccer for the first time in 5 years - so good! She was the team "mum" and was such a trooper dealing with our sweaty soccer stench, the crazy heat, cheaters of taxi drivers, and my crazy teammates who well, are men. Need I say more? 

All in all, I got to spend an incredible week with my mom, showing her my life, my work, my friends, and the woman I've become since my time began in Cambodia. This place and my experiences here have had such an impact on me, and it was truly a blessing to get to share all of that with her in this place I call my home. Love you mom! :)

Enough Excitement for One Month

Four little words, well technically 6, pretty much sum up the last month - parasites, cockroaches, mangy dogs, and food poisoning. Let's take a trip...

It was the beginning of March. Life was happy and joyous, as I had just started the month off celebrating a beautiful Khmer wedding with my coworkers. Lots of eating, drinking, dancing, and good ole fun. A couple days later that’s when days turned dark…instead of enjoying the beautiful sunshine Cambodia offers every day, I began to soak up more of the artificial light that illuminates the space we all like to call, the bathroom. For over a week I saw this glorious space multiple times a day, had a constant, horrible pain in my stomach, and lost about 9 pounds. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the latter mentioned symptom, but overall, it was pretty obnoxious. I eventually went to the doctor, and sadly I couldn’t get the answers I wanted, but similar to the ways of the States, the doc gave me some pills and sent me home. All in all, symptoms were eventually relieved, and I was left with the gift of being 9 pounds lighter!

The next week I was in Hanoi for a conference, which was fabulous, and all was good, until…

I arrived back in Phnom Penh after the conference, and went out to the video store one night so I could enjoy a quiet evening in. I was innocently browsing through DVD after DVD deciding what I wanted, when all of a sudden I felt like I needed to scratch my leg. The feeling didn’t dissipate after giving a little shake, so I took it to the next level and brushed my leg with my other foot. Ahh, the feeling was gone. However, the moment of relief was short-lived and quickly replaced with an intense feeling of disgust as my eyes connected with the giant, brown cockroach next to my foot that was once crawling up my leg. Chills immediately ran throughout my body from head to toe, paired with a girlish squeal that instinctively passed my lips. Once I realized how foolish I looked freaking out over a little cockroach, which to the Cambodians, is merely another little creature they live life alongside of, I decided it was best to take my movies and leave. Although I left the scene of the crime, the feeling of the nasty little thing crawling up my leg stayed with me for hours. Even to this day I can think back on the moment and still feel the chilling tickling up my leg as the grotesque critter decides to use my leg as a tree it wants to climb.

As if the cockroach wasn’t enough adventure for one night, I rode my moto into my apartment complex only to be met by an overly hormonal dog, which decides to growl at me and then proceed to bite my foot. Fortunately, she backed off after one little taste, and I was able to escape to the safety of the building before any damage was done. This sense of safety was also short-lived, as the following evening when returning home I was again met with the moody dog, which clearly hadn’t had enough the night before. As I try to pull in my moto for the night yet again, the dog goes for the same foot, and to her satisfaction, succeeds in tearing some flesh. Luckily for me it was just a small bite, and nothing that a good scrubbing couldn't fix. Sadly for the new mom to some adorable pups, her uncontrollable hormones and desire to defend her little guys by attacking me, got her immediately tied up for good. I do feel slightly guilty for that, but what can you do? I definitely don’t want to get chewed on every night I come home!

So, I’ve had a few rough weeks with multiple toilet trips, stomach cramps, unexpected, but welcome, weight loss, cockroaches crawling up my leg, and dogs attacking my feet. You’d think that would be enough excitement for one month, but nope, not in Cambodia!!!

A few days later, I went to a western sports bar for some dinner and drinks with a friend, where I had a delicious salmon salad and enjoyed some local beer. About an hour later or so I had this very uneasy feeling in my stomach. I didn’t think much of it, as it’s Cambodia, sometimes you get unexplainable feelings after eating, but it’s not a big deal. This, however, was not one of those times. That night turned out to be one of the worst nights I’ve had thus far in Cambodia. Horrible nausea disturbed my sleep all night, only to begin the new day with a fever, more nausea that never settles, and absolutely no energy, keeping me from being able to stand for even 1 minute. I honestly don’t think I have ever felt so terrible, but all I could do was ride the wave for the next 24 hours. The next day I felt heaps better, but it took a few days to get back to 100%.

All in all, it was quite the eventful month, filled with all sorts of experiences I’d love to forget and leave behind. Let’s hope the remaining 2 ½ months have a bit more joy to offer!!

Enough Drama, Let's Celebrate!!!

I've given you enough sappy and emotional stories lately and am starting to feel a bit depressed re-reading my posts, so let's move on from that and talk about some happy things!! Last weekend I got to fulfill one of the things on my "Cambodia Bucket List" - go to a traditional Khmer wedding.

Goodness gracious, it was absolutely amazing and I will never forget that night.

This unforgettable Saturday started as I woke up to the beautiful Cambodian sunshine gleaming through the window of my Western apartment. I knew it was going to be a great day. Got out of bed, had some breakfast, and did the traditional morning routine of e-mails, Facebook, etc. I then called my co-worker to double check what time she wanted me to head over to her house to get ready. The time came, I grabbed my $10 sparkly silver shoes, $20 glimmering purple dress, hopped on the back of a moto, and headed away from the expat, western world and toward the authentic, Cambodian reality. After 20 mins, I arrived at my coworkers house (which I had never been to before), walked inside, met her mom, sisters, brother, brother-in-law, and her adorable niece. My co-worker had me sit down, and her sister immediately started doing my make-up and hair. What woman doesn't love not having to move a muscle to get ready?!

As she was doing my makeup, I was getting very nervous about committing to going with the "traditional look" because I kept getting little glimpses in the mirror and oh my, I felt a bit like a clown. Bright purple eyeshadow, fake eyelashes, extremely dark, thick eyebrows, and bright pink lipstick. Let's just say it's the OPPOSITE of what I ever do with my makeup, but I really wanted to embrace the tradition, so I just went with it. Then, as I was sitting there getting pampered for all of $4, my co-worker's mom and sisters were adamant about me wearing one of their traditional dresses instead of the one I brought. At this point, I was all for it and said, bring it on! I don't care if I think I look silly, this is the tradition and I want to do it! So, I tried on the sparkly, lace, pink top, and the thick, cloth skirt. The top was just barely too small, but they said, "no problem, we'll take it to the tailor!" Well before I could tell them not to worry about it, the top was gone and at the tailor. Thirty minutes later, the top came back and everything was good to go - my co-worker's hair and makeup was finished, and I was completely sporting the traditional Khmer look. As odd and different as it was, I was so excited and definitely felt beautiful!

After a brief photo session, we were off in a tuk tuk to meet the rest of the co-workers at the office. Along the way, things were quite entertaining. Countless stares, big smiles, and funny comments were being thrown my way. My coworker told me two guys on a moto behind us were arguing about whether or not I was a foreigner in traditional clothes, and then once they came up beside us, shouted in excitement as they realized I really was a foreigner in traditional clothes. I'm glad I made those people's days by allowing them to witness probably one of the strangest sites they rarely get to see. Then we got to the office and met up with the rest of the crowd, who were all equally shocked to see me in traditional clothes, and then we were on our way!

We finally got to the wedding and met up with the house mom who's daughter was the one getting married. Gosh she was so excited to see me - she grabbed my arm and walked me inside with the biggest smile on her face. I walked through the entrance, met the bride and groom, got my lovely gift, and was escorted to our table. After we all got settled in our seats, the shenanigans began! A bottle of brandy magically showed up, our glasses were immediately filled, and the food just kept coming. As we were all gorging on the delicious, traditional Khmer food, my co-workers kept putting their glasses up to cheers. Unlike in the States where you cheers once in a meal, the Cambodians cheers about a million times in a meal, and not only do they cheers and take a sip, they like to shout "tiang ah" as they cheers, which means "everything". If someone says that as they cheers you, you have proceed by drinking everything in your glass. So, as we kept eating, people continued shouting "ah, ah", and glasses kept emptying and then re-filling. After we were all done eating, the dancing started. They played a mix of western, hip hop songs which definitely got me up on the dance floor (bringing about a lot of smiles and laughter as they saw a westerner dancing to hip hop music in traditional Khmer clothes), to traditional Khmer songs that brought us all moving together in a circle, dancing the traditional way with lots of hand movements. I really had no idea what I was doing, so I just started moving my hands the way I thought other people were...I was probably doing everything wrong, but oh well! The night continued with lots of cheers, food, dessert, dancing, and just madness. Then the bride and groom eventually did their last dance where everyone watched, took pictures, threw confetti, etc. which signaled, sadly, the end of the party. After a few hours of drinking, eating, dancing, laughing, and sweating, as it was a million degrees outside, the night finally came to a close.

That was undoubtedly one of my favorite days in Cambodia thus far, and I'm so thankful I had the perfect opportunity to do one of the things on my "Cambodia Bucket List" with a group of people I know, and love spending time with. Much better than having tried to go to a wedding of someone I didn't know with people I didn't know! It was absolutely unforgettable, and has given me another perspective and insight into the lives of Cambodians. It amazes me as I learn more and more about Cambodian life that where I come from is really no different - traditions are very similar, and people are all the same in the ways we all love to have fun, be with others, and dance our butts off! I feel so lucky to be able to witness this firsthand, and I truly believe that if we all got the chance to get to know people from any place unlike what we grew up in, our perspectives about people around the world would be completely different and a lot of the violence and prejudice that exists today would be nonexistent. For now, however, all I can do is learn for myself and share my experiences with all of you, only hoping that you can be even slightly impacted the same way I have been and continue to be every day.

Act 2, Take 1

Today is officially the 5 month anniversary of my arrival in Cambodia! It's crazy to think I've completed half of my time here, and it's quite sad realizing I only have 5 months left. A lot has happened in these past  few months, and the time I have left just doesn't quite seem like enough. It truly is hard to put into words what this experience has done for me and how incredible things have been - even with some pretty steep ups and downs.....

I've somehow managed to survive everything life and God has thrown my way in the past 5 months, but let me tell you, it wasn't before I experienced two situations I've only ever seen or imagined in the movies. The first is the scene from my newest Drama film, the second, a scene from my ultimate Action movie:

Drama Film, Scene 1 (Brief Recap)

Had a "best friend"...spent every day with, did everything with...then got used by so-called best friend to try to ship stolen goods to Cambodia. Didn't know, items were tracked (before sent to me), everything returned, nothing bad happened to me...oh wait, lost so-called "best friend", got taken advantage of for being so trusting, world turned upside-down. Just one more thing to put on the list of "things experienced".

Action Film, Scene 2 (Brief Recap)

Riding on the back of a motorbike, stopped at a light. All of a sudden, 3 Cambodian men (on one moto) not wearing any helmets, start whizzing through the intersection.....1 cop runs after them, stops them, then proceeds to hit the driver in the face! Next thing, another cop runs up, hits one of the passengers in the face.   Then, moto is on the ground and the 3 men and 2 cops starting brawling it out...UNTIL.....3 guns were pulled! Yes, you "heard" me, or better yet, "read" me...guns, you know, the black things that have bullets in them. I know you were thinking water guns, but no, you were wrong. In the meantime, I'm still sitting at the light, now watching 3 guns being pointed in different directions at people who are about 15 yards away from me. 3 guns drawn, 1 guy tries to steal the other cop's gun, cop hits him away. Guns still pointing, light turns green....my moto driver slowly passes as he watches instead of moving fast to get us the heck out of the way!! Umm....what just happened??? CRAZY!!! Yet again, another thing to put on the list of "things experienced".


Act 1 summary.... A LOT has happened in the last 5 months living in Cambodia. These are two quite extreme examples of the crazy stuff that I've experienced and/or witnessed, but nonetheless, I've grown tremendously. Of course, not everything or every day has been as intense as the two scenes I painted a picture of above, but it has been quite incredible. I'm tremendously grateful to be living here, even if it means living through some scenes from a Drama or Action film.

Now on to Act 2.....

Oh, and since I started this entry earlier this month, but didn't finish it until today, it is obviously no longer my 5 month anniversary. In fact, it has almost been 6 months by now, but you'll have to forgive me for my poor blogging lately. I'm GOING to be better - I know I said that in the last post, but I MEAN IT this time! My apologies.

The Ups and Downs of Life

Wow, so my sincerest apologies, as I've been the worst blogger ever recently. It's been ages since I've truly written anything, and I'm so sorry! Things have been crazy with the holidays and work getting busier, but really I'm just guilty of getting caught up in life. I have to say, however, the fact that I've been focusing on just living life and enjoying the things I'm doing is amazing. Over the past couple of weeks, since I've been back from vacation, I've realized how much I love my life in Phnom Penh - the community I've built, the activities I'm involved in, my work, just everything about it is better than anything I ever could have imagined.

Before Christmas and New Years I was so grateful for the opportunity to get the heck out of Phnom Penh and back into some Western culture, and I was even dreading coming back to PP once I was actually on vacation. I'm not exactly sure what it was, but the first taste of my "old life" in Western culture made me miss everything about my life back in the States, which naturally made me not want to have to return to Cambodia for another 6 months. Before I even left for vacation I was nervous about what being away from PP was going to do to my spirit, and I was somewhat right. I went through an emotional roller coaster and I found myself, as I was walking around Melbourne, sitting in the car driving around Hobart, Australia, and walking along the serene beaches of Auckland, New Zealand, taking deep breaths and saying to myself, "Gosh it's hard to live in Phnom Penh". Sometimes it seems really silly to say that because, well if you were to see how I live here, you'd understand, but it wasn't until I escaped that I realized it's true - it is hard!

I have never in my life had to face the realities of human trafficking every single day, in almost everything I do, and it wasn't until I was away from it that I recognized how hard it is on me. I got extremely emotional about it when I was on vacation, and I realized that when I'm in Phnom Penh I'm in survival mode, so I don't let it affect me as much as it truthfully does. I can't really explain how passionate I am about this issue, and how badly it hurts when I see females sitting in front of a restaurant or karaoke bar waiting for men to arrive, or when I walk along the riverside to grab some dinner or drinks with a friend and I see females walking back and forth most likely waiting for a customer. It is all around me, and I find myself getting lost in and consumed by thoughts about "what is REALLY going on in this situation?" Take this weekend for example....

On Saturday night I met up with some of my friends to go salsa dancing at a restaurant/bar on the riverside. First of all, I really have NO idea how to salsa, so let's just say I was going to watch others and maybe get out there to embarrass myself. Anyways, overall it was so much fun and after a couple glasses of wine, well I was a little more willing to get out there and make a fool of myself - it was pretty fun, I must say!! Well, as we were all dancing and having a great time, I noticed an adorable Cambodian woman sitting on the wall surrounding the dance floor watching a much older caucasian male (who was standing next to her earlier) dance with western women. It's hard to describe the look on her face, but I just felt the urge to go say hi and talk to her. So I did. I went over and started (trying) to speak Khmer with her - asking her name, etc. Then I asked her what she was doing there and she said she was here with her husband (the older caucasian man dancing with western women). I responded normally, asked her how long they'd been married, etc. (a few weeks was her answer), and then I asked her why she wasn't dancing with him. She just shrugged her shoulders and I asked her if she likes dancing and if she wanted to and she said yes! The conversation continued and I was encouraging her to go dance with her husband because she really wanted to! She was smiling nervously and I could tell she wanted to, but was just really shy (which I don't blame her since her husband wasn't asking her to dance and instead, was asking every other woman there). So then I went up to her husband who started trying to dance with me, but because I'm horrible and maybe also because I said he should dance with his wife because she said she likes dancing, he quickly stopped. Finally, I just took matters into my own hands and grabbed my new friend and started dancing with her (not salsa since I clearly didn't know how). Gosh it was so much fun, and the HUGE smile on her face was just priceless. After we danced for a bit, she went back to her spot on the wall next to her husband and just stood there silently, as they didn't seem to exchange more than 5 words to each other (maybe because he speaks no bit of Khmer). Now, I'm not saying I was assuming anything about their situation, but I do know that my beautiful Cambodian friend didn't seem very happy (other than the 5 minutes we were dancing). It is situations exactly like this that consume my thoughts - what is their story? does he pay her to have sex and now they're 'married'? what does he do? is she happy? what are her dreams?.....

It's nights and experiences like that which make my life here so emotional and challenging. My heart just breaks when I see stuff like that, and it makes my mind race back and forth with questions and all sorts of emotions. At the same time, it has also presented me with some of my most memorable moments - the conversations, shared meals, and dances with the beautiful Cambodian women I've met and seen the most genuine smiles come from.

After coming back from vacation and arriving once again in Phnom Penh, I realized that this place is my home. All the feelings of dreading being here for another 6 months immediately went away as soon as I stepped out of the airplane. This place is hard to live in, but it's my home and at the moment, I couldn't ask for anything better. I have great friends here, an amazing job, am part of an amazing group of guys who I play soccer with, have created some amazing friendships with my Cambodian co-workers, and constantly have life-changing interactions with survivors and women who may or may not be victims of trafficking. It may be an emotional roller coaster, but every day I fall more and more in love with this country and cannot imagine not being here - 5 more months almost feels too short.....

Holidays Down Under

For the last two weeks I've had the pleasure of enjoying a wonderful vacation for the holiday season. I spent a week or so visiting friends and enjoying the beautiful cities of Melbourne and Hobart, Australia, and now I'm fortunate enough to be visiting another friend in Auckland, New Zealand. There are no words to describe what an amazing experience my trip has been thus far, and as I'm still enjoying my time in Lord of the Rings land, I can't give a full picture of my experience and how it has impacted me. So, be sure to look out for a more thorough update in the new year :)

All I wanted to do was be sure to say, on this last day of 2011, that I'm so thankful for everything, everyone, and every opportunity I've had in my life. 2012 has been an incredible year of personal growth, beautiful friendships, and life-changing events, and I couldn't be happier with how it turned out. While there are of course things I would love to take back or change, I am still grateful for even those moments because I am now that much stronger and more confident in the woman I am and who God created me to be. It is my hope to start this new year with excitement, optimism, hope, strength, and courage for all of the things that will come my way in 2012. God is doing some amazing things in my life, and I'm looking forward to uncovering what He has in store for me in 2012.

Thank you to everyone in my life and to everyone who will be in my life during 2012. Many blessings to all of you and Happy New Year!