One of the Boys

Boy oh boy, this last week and a half has been absolutely amazing. After having an incredible weekend of finding myself again and coming back to the light, I've also reunited with another huge piece of my identity - athlete. You all are looking at the newest, and ONLY female member of the Bayon Wanderers FC.

Ever since I can remember, I have played soccer. The sport has been a huge part of my life, and from the time I stopped playing competitively after I graduated from high school, I've had to find other ways to tap into the sport and reconnect with one of the things that makes me happiest. In college, it was joining the women's club soccer team, and now, it's being a part of the Bayon Wanderers FC. When I came to Cambodia I was really hoping I could find a way to play soccer every now and again, but was concerned that I wouldn't be able to find an outlet. I've met a couple people here to play for fun sometimes, but I never got the chance to join. Then, I decided I'd take the chance and join a friend I'd met who plays professionally. Naturally, I was quite concerned tagging along with two guys who play soccer as their career, but I pushed my worries aside and just went in head first!

The weekend before last I went out with these two friends to go join in on a game. I told them I played goalkeeper, but being guys, they said to me, "no, don't go into the goal. Do you see these calves? You won't be able to take it." I laughed and said, "whatever you say". So, got to the field, and guess where they put me....striker! Out of the 18+ years I've played soccer, I've never once in my life been a striker - they were crazy. After not having played soccer in months, not playing on the field for over 7 years, not having played soccer in this heat in years, and well, NEVER playing striker, I said to them "I'm telling you, put me at that position and it will look as though I've never played this sport in my life!" Let's just say that my legs felt as though they were 100 pounds each, and every time I'd try to run as fast as I could, my legs just wouldn't move. So, I decided it was best that I take myself out and let a guy who can actually play get on the field. Half-time came, we were losing 1-3. I asked the guy who was playing goalie how he was doing, and he was like, "well I'd much rather be on the field". So, I said "okay then, how about we switch!" So, despite every guy telling me I shouldn't go and them being afraid I was going to hurt myself, I went. Within a few minutes of the second half starting a guy was coming down the right side of the field, and within seconds of him entering my box, I charged and stole the ball right out from his feet causing him to fly over me and land flat on the ground in defeat, and BY A GIRL, mind you ;). I don't think I can explain the shock and awe that resulted from that play...let's just say I shut them all up and they were all quite impressed.

After that moment, morale went up, we scored 5 goals, I held a shut out, and we won 6-3. I came off the field really pumped and just feeling great, only to be welcomed by the guys applauding me as I approached the bench. What an amazing feeling! Once the game was over, they asked me to join them for some food and drinks, which they do after every game on Sunday, and it was brilliant. Sitting amongst 10 men, drinking beer, and chatting it up. The best part, was they definitely didn't change their topics of conversation simply because I was present. That was the first moment I felt like one of the boys. Loved it.

Now, a week and a half has passed, I've played 2 games, trained at 6am, practiced at least 2 times a week, and am an official member of the Bayon Wanderers FC. I don't think I can even explain how much I've loved being able to play soccer again, and at a competitive level. Furthermore, let's not forget how awesome it feels to be the only female on an all male soccer team....not a bad gig getting to hang around a bunch of extremely fit young (and some older) men who like to take their shirts off after they've been sweating and running around. I've been completely accepted and feel like "one of the boys", and the looks I get from the Cambodian teams we play are awesome, especially when I make an incredible diving save to earn their approval and respect. What an amazing feeling.

We all can get so lost as we go throughout life, but as I've discovered over the past couple of weeks after I reached my breaking point, true happiness and joy comes from being who we are, and never giving up on ourselves even when we hardly recognize who we've been lately. We are always worthy of redemption, and I can attest that once we begin to put the pieces of our identity back together, and live out who we truly are, nothing can get in the way of pure joy. I am so thankful for everything that I've had recently, and although it hasn't always been easy, I'm taking it one day at a time and trying to remember that who I am is incredible and I should never be afraid to show it.